Feel the fear and write it anyway

So here’s the thing. I have a secret. A desire. Something that some people know. Something that some people don’t. It’s something that those who don’t know, may be surprised by, It’s something that some that don’t know, won’t be surprised at at all. I’m talking in riddles… I’m making this bigger than it ever needs to be. I’m getting my knickers in a metaphorical twist.

Ok. I’m just gonna come right out and say it. Deep breaths now.. me that is, not you… well – you may want to take deep breaths, but they aren’t a pre-requisite to receiving this information. Information that matters way more to me than it will do to you.

*whispers* I want to be a children’s picture book writer. *coughs* There. I said it. and.. if all goes well, I’ll publish this to the real world… well, twitter anyway… and we can all pretend like nothing was said. Now, I know what you are thinking. Another wannabe. Someone else who thinks they can. Someone else who will talk about their dreams like they could even actually happen. To coin the phrase of a colleague.. that is just ‘ridunkulous’.

What makes this more ridunkulous is that may day job, a day job I love and am grateful for on a daily basis… (well, a mostly daily basis – I’m not a saint!) means that on this daily basis I’m surrounded by supremely brilliant, (intimidatingly so) creative, intelligent, funny and pretty amazing people. People for whom writing and generally being clever and funny.. seems to be so easy!

I’m mindful that in outing myself as a wannabe, I’m also opening myself up for the people who I admire, to laugh in their latte’s at my stupidity. I’m probably doing them a disservice by saying this, but that’s the fear isn’t it. The fear that people who you admire, will think you are stupid.

As I read this, it all seems like I’m blowing it all out of proportion. Like I’m making a big deal out of something that’s nothing. And to you dear reader (hello mum), it may very well be. But to me.. it’s something I have to do. Something I need to do, and over the last 12 months, has become something I have done on an almost daily basis. Something that has resulted in a collection of stories resembling war and peace… well not entirely, that would make a terrible picture book, but still… there are a lot. And Im well aware that most of them are terrible, but some of them… some of them Im quite proud of. Now. I ain’t giving up the day job, I’d be crazy to for many many reasons, some more obvious than others, but I am going to set myself two challenges for the remainder of this year:

1. write and publish a blog. a blog of my frankly terrifying ordeal of trying to get a picture book published… (this will take some time, I don’t expect you to read the years of bilge I will be posting here in the meantime)

and

2. Send off some of my stories to some agents and publishers.

So, Blog. tick. (assuming I post this publicly of course). Sending off stories… I’m almost there. within the next 2 mths I will have sent off my first story… and I shall eagerly await the many many rejection letters I will receive. I shall keep them all and paste my house with them instead of wallpaper… I believe that is what writers do.

Now, in the meantime.. I shall continue reading, I shall continue writing, I shall keep up my tea intake.. another pre-requisite for becoming a brilliant, published writer, and I shall continue to scour the shops for pretty notebooks that I can scrawl my drivel all over. For that my friends, is a sure fire route to published town.

If you read this and you know me. Pretend you haven’t read it. It will be easier for all of us. If you don’t know me and wish to send me words of encouragement and support, I shall receive them with open arms. Anonymous support is significantly more comfortable to receive than that which comes from people who I will often wonder if they are just saying it to humor me.

Right. There. I did it… now, am I brave enough to post it?

….*hovers over publish button*

PS. I’ve just read this back. I talk like this is all going to happen one day don’t I! Perhaps Noel Edmonds was on to something…

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4 thoughts on “Feel the fear and write it anyway

Add yours

  1. Oh my goodness (she screams quietly so as not to alert anyone)!! Me too!! I have another writing project on the go, but have always wanted to do this! You go girl! And please, please keep me posted! You have a beautiful way with words and I look forward to reading your published book to my girls!!

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