January is rubbish and I look like Gordon Ramsay.

January  is almost over. This is a good thing because January  is quite rubbish, despite being the month our household celebrates two birthdays and a wedding anniversary, it’s rubbish. In fact, whoever thought January was a good idea should not be trusted. And whoever thought January was the time to cut out alcohol wants stringing up. I mean really…

Sadly, January has been tough on my face. All the graft induced frowning means I’ve a forehead like Gordon Ramsay’s. And my arse resembles my chair. It’s a wicker one. You get the picture. (If you do, I’m sorry. I hope one day you’ll get over it.)  But despite the pain of these things, they are actually a good sign because it means I’ve done what I set out to do; I finished the re-write of Glitter Red Shoes and Sky Blue Gingham. I finally feel as if I have absolutely done the very best I can by it, on my own, without anyone else’s input. It is as finished as it will ever be without an editor. This feels…. good. And also a little bit sad. I find it difficult to imagine a time when anyone will actually be able to buy and read it.  One of those things in the life cycle of my dreams, I guess. All that said, it’s also been quite a nice month in terms of progress. After a flurried (and slightly whine-y) plea, a very generous person offered some help. And I took them up on it against all my wishes to do this on my own, because I was losing faith. And she is being brilliant and helpful and whether anything comes of it or not, I don’t feel so alone and I am gaining confidence again. I can do this. It will happen. My time will come.

The day after the generous person offered help, an agent showed a tiny spark of interest in the new book. (I mean genuinely tiny, but still… it’s a spark!) That too gives me a snifter of confidence and I can almost see light at the end of the proverbial. I mentioned last time that I wasn’t sure if I liked the new one.  Having just printed it off, with the plan to spend next week reading and making notes and dreaming, I caught a glimpse of the story. And my tummy flipped and my heart swelled and I realised, I do like it. It has potential. And all I’ve learned so far will help me to make this work. I’m sure it’s going to be tough, and I’ve no doubt my arse will continue to resemble my chair, and eventually Gordon Ramsay will call me up and ask me to be his face double, but I do think it will be worth it. And we all need a fall back career, right? Gordon, if you’re listening. *clicks the gun*

So, I’m going in…. metaphorically that is. I’m actually going in next week. Right now, I’m going to Lidl to do my weekly shop and ponder the delights of a few days off. If you see me out in the real world, ignore my face. It can’t help it!

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